4/1/2017 0 Comments Divorce &remarriage![]() Fun facts about divorce: Americans divorce more than any other people. Couples that cohabit are three times as likely to get divorced. 70% of couples that divorced, 2 years later say they should have saved the marriage. 70% of men are remarried within two years of divorce. 74% of marriages don’t divorce. Although these are fun facts, one thing is for sure, divorce is not fun for any party involved. So, if divorce isn’t fun, why does it happen so often? One of the most common reasons people give is: “there were/are too many incompatibilities.” There are always incompatibilities. Research has shown that couples that get divorced have 10 areas of incompatibility. Strong couples, on the other hand, have 10 areas of incompatibility. You read that right. All couples have areas of incompatibility, but it’s not the incompatibility that’s the problem, it’s what we do with the incompatibility. As shown in this graph, divorce rates had the highest spike at the end of World War II. There are a lot of reasons for this, but we aren’t going to focus on that. Up until 1969, to get divorced, one partner had to have committed one of the “3 A’s”. These included adultery, abandonment, or abuse. Because divorce was usually only allowed with one of these 3 things, most people who had incompatibilities worked through their them, adapting to the struggles. In 1969, California created the “No Fault” divorce rule. This was mainly created for celebrities so that their 3 A’s weren’t put into the news. However, this new rule allowed a lot of non-celebrities to get out of their marriages as well. This is when the divorce rate grew again. Marriage is now easier to get out of than an apartment contract. Interestingly, those likely to divorce in 1969, were the children whose parents divorced in 1946-1948. Is that a coincidence? Research doesn’t think so. You see, most children look to parents as models. This doesn’t mean that all children with divorced parents will get a divorce. It just means that they are more likely because of the examples they have had in their life. So, as a parent, it is important that you set a good example for your children. In order for them to create a strong attachment with someone else, they need to have a secure attachment with you. Please, don’t think that I am saying no one should get a divorce. It is obvious that there are marriages that are simply unhealthy and it would be better for the couple to divorce. If you have tried to make the marriage work, and can say with a strong conscience that it is best for you to divorce, that is your choice. Always remember the well-being of your children during this, though. Many divorcees get remarried again. Whether you call it a step family, blended family, or whatever else you can think of, there are helpful guidelines to remember. The first is that it will take a minimum of 2 years for “normalcy.” Also, it is suggested that you date for 2 years before getting married. The next guideline is to remember that it will never feel or look like a 2-biological parent family. When it comes to parenting, the biological parent should do all of the heavy correction and discipline. The step parent should be more of a good aunt or uncle. This doesn’t mean to spoil the children and undermine your partner. It means that you should be the one to empathize, talk to them, and give them advice, while supporting your partner. The last guideline is that you should have more family councils than a biological family. It will create closeness within the family.
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3/25/2017 0 Comments Parenting![]() This week we discussed parenting. And although it was a very insightful discussion, I want to discuss more fully what I have learned in the actual parenting class I am taking this semester. I know it sounds a little strange that I'm taking a parenting class, because I'm single, and definitely don't plan on having a child anytime soon. However, this class has taught me more than most classes I have taken. You see, in the world we live in, we are all focused about behaviors. For example, and no offense to any parents, most of the posts you read on Facebook include something like, "My child is doing this, how do I get them to stop?" Don't get me wrong, I like it when children behave, but there is something much deeper than behavior that we should be worried about. Parenting is about teaching. You see, it seems awfully difficult sometimes, but each child is an individual person with their own thoughts, feelings, needs, etc. I, myself, am guilty of seeing others merely as objects in my way, who do not matter as much as I do. Which is selfish, I know. But if you are a parent, think about how you see your child on a regular basis.. And if you are not a parent, think of a loved one or family member.. Now, when this child or person does something that you don't agree with, you try to fix their actions, right? But, how much more efficient would parenting be, if instead, we focus on their understanding and feelings? In order to understand others feelings, you first need to understand your own. You need to know how you are feeling towards yourself, and also towards the other person. Otherwise, some bias, or hard feelings may be involved. The book The Anatomy of Peace, calls this having a heart at war or a heart at peace. It is up to you where you put yourself. Now, as you are at peace with yourself and others, you can more fully teach others and help them without making or forcing them to do anything. As shown with this pyramid, you have to start at your personal way of being and then work your way up to correcting your children's actions. I would love to relay everything I have learned in this class, but it wouldn't do it justice. To sum up what I have taken from this, is that you should treat your child as you would like to be treated. You need to give them options, teach them, and help them, in a way that teaches them intrinsic motivation. Overall, a parent's responsibility is "to protect and prepare our children to survive and thrive in the world in which they will live." So, if you truly want to help your child survive and thrive, create a solid relationship with them, teach them truths, and give them the agency to follow those truths. If you are having problems with behaviors, find the best ways to teach children, but avoid putting your force on them. Let them learn lessons naturally unless it is too dangerous, affects someone else, or they can't learn from the consequence until too far in the future. If you are looking for some parenting books, let me recommend the three books that have taught me a lot: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, The Anatomy of Peace, and Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason. If you have any thoughts, comments, or opinions, leave a comment below! ![]() As the movement of feminism persists, families are spreading apart more and more. So, is feminism tearing families apart? Is it the need for women to leave the house to feel accomplished? Is it because women who stay at home with their children feel looked down on? What are your thoughts on this? Although feminism does play a role in spreading families apart, it is not the only factor, and it is not the factor that started to change families. In order to understand how this started, we have to go back to a much simpler time, before the industrial revolution. You see, before technology and large industries, most families worked together on a farm. These farms were small, but required a lot of work. Mothers, fathers, and children all pitched in on both “inside” and “outside” chores. This is how families provided for themselves. However, this changed when the industrial revolution hit. Fathers started to leave their homes to work in factories. This left the work to the mothers and children, which started the spread of the family. As the world became more industrialized, things started to get more expensive. This eventually caused a lot of women to enter the workforce as well. Stay at home moms vs. working moms is a very controversial subject, so please take no offense to what follows, I am only discussing trends and statistics. It seems, that women had to forego their staying at home because families needed more money. Surprisingly, the numbers have shown that families tend to lose money when the woman works outside of the home. How does this happen, you ask? Well, when the woman is at home, she is tending to her children, doing every day chores, and has time to make meals for the family. When she is at work, however, there is no one to watch the kids, forcing the parents to pay for a babysitter or daycare. Also, families now need two cars instead of one, so that both parents can get to work. Once the mother and father are done with work, they are tired, which means that everyday chores get neglected. Things seem a lot busier to the whole family, so fast food comes in handy on the way home from work. So, shouldn’t the mother’s new paycheck cover all of these expenses, right? Wrong. Most families find that they have lost around $1500. Stay at home moms also get the social stigma of a “waste of a brain,” because they aren’t out using their education, or knowledge to better the world. However, there is no better place to better the world, than in the home teaching the future generation. A lot of women say they need to get out of the house so that they can find “intellectual stimulation.” In the past, it might have been difficult for women to find the stimulation they need, but with technology surrounding us, women can keep themselves informed from home, take online classes, or read about anything they want. Their options are endless. There are two articles that were extremely insightful to me, if you want to know more about these things, I encourage you to read them! http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587127/A-womans-education-is-not-wasted-in-the-home.html?pg=all http://www.dennisprager.com/does-a-full-time-homemaker-swap-her-mind-for-a-mop/ A lot of women feel the need to go to work in order to feel self-fulfilled, or to gain social interaction. There is nothing wrong with those needs, and they should be validated. I am not saying that there is something wrong with women going to work, I am saying that there is nothing wrong with women staying at home, caring for their children, and it has its benefits. Back to financial issues. So, if families tend to lose money sending women to work, what do families do financially then? The best thing a family can do, is budget their money. I know I am guilty of the “there’s nothing I can give up, this is just how much living costs” excuse, but there is always a way to save money. If you count all of the times you eat out, or spend money on unnecessary items throughout a week, or even a month, there are surely things that could be given up to save a penny here or there. Going off of trends throughout the last hundred years, it is not feminism, then, that is spreading families apart, but financial and economic problems. So, as a family, find ways to budget and save money. It will help you work together as a family, and stay together. And mothers, if you have the opportunity or privilege and feel the desire to stay home with your children, do it! 3/11/2017 0 Comments Communication Problems![]() We as human beings consider ourselves different from other species because of the way we communicate. With the recent growth in technology, communication has become easier, yet very unclear. Part of this is because communication isn't just about words. Most of us use sarcasm, but how does someone know you're not being serious through only words? You see, 51% of communication is based off nonverbal cues, and 35% comes from the tone of voice. That means that only 14% comes from words themselves. So, why is communication lacking then? It's because we only talk to each other through text, only using words, and every once in a while an emoji. We don't ask someone something because we sincerely want to know, we only ask so that we can respond with our two cents. In class, we drew out the feedback loop. It looks like this: Even when we are trying to effectively communicate, it can sometimes get lost in translation. You see, what you mean as a sender, might not mean the same thing to the receiver. What we say can be decoded in many different ways. So, in order to build strong, healthy relationships, we need to learn the best ways to communicate with our families. Some family members might understand and respond better through different approaches. Along with this, we must keep in mind that it's okay to ask clarifying questions. It's okay to say, "Did you mean this when you said this?" or "Am I understanding you correctly?" Communication is key in relationships. My professor is also a marriage and family counselor. He told us in class, that when couples come into therapy with him, and he asks what's wrong in the relationship, one of the most common answers is "We have communication problems." As ironic as it sounds, you can never not communicate. You are sending a message in everything you do, whether it be verbal, or even more importantly, nonverbal. Body language communicates a lot, so we must be careful what we do while someone is talking with us. A big part of communication in families, is family councils. It is important that as a family, you are all aware of the problems and concerns of each member, and the family as a whole. Each family seems to have their own way of communicating and making a decision, but I am going to share one of the most successful ways to have a meeting as a council. First, when you all gather together, you need to express love and appreciation for each other. This might seem strange, but building each other up can truly help you come together to plan things. There are families who struggle with each other, and if each member would take some time to find something they like or enjoy about another person, it humbles everyone and makes you feel like a team. I participated in a lot of sports in high school. Participating on a team full of teenage girls was not always easy. However, when we all took the time to congratulate each other's successes, and found things we liked about each other, it made the team feel more like a family. The next thing is to pray together for the spirit and God's will. To those of you who are not religious, this might seem strange. But, whether you believe in God or not, there is something special in bowing your heads together and asking aloud that you might all be in tune with a spirit that will bring you to a clear decision. After you have said a heartfelt prayer, it is time to discuss. A lot of families know the term "compromise" and assume that is what we are reaching. Compromise means: an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions, in other words, each side giving in a little bit to reach an agreement. Yes, it's important that you know how to compromise, but as a family you should be trying to reach a consensus. A consensus is a general agreement. I know what you're thinking. These are basically the same thing, right? Wrong. A consensus does not require both sides to give in in order to agree. Instead, it means that the decision that was suggested was agreed upon by all. After reaching a consensus, you should close with a prayer. This prayer should be one of thanks, and also to ask for reassurance that the decision you have made is the correct one. To finish the council, end with refreshments. It will give you time to relax and once again enjoy the company of those around you, while rewarding yourself for the progress you made as a council. In order to keep this council strong, you should meet somewhere that is safe and holy to you, and have a regular weekly time set apart for this very purpose. If you council as a family, you will strengthen each other, and learn how to effectively communicate with each other. Something that was said in class that really stood out to me was this: "You get to develop a family culture." This seems fairly obvious, but think about what that means. That means that you can make your family strong, if you choose. You can teach your children whatever it is you would like, and that will become your family culture. You can create a culture of family council and solid communication, but you must decide to. 3/4/2017 0 Comments Family Crisis![]() In all of our lives, we are faced with opposition. As individuals, we get stressed out almost on a daily basis. Just as each person gets stressed out, so does the family as a whole. So, this is all about stressors that families go through and how to cope with these things. If a house is considered strong, it is more than likely built on a solid foundation. The foundation holds it together and makes it stable, especially when a lot of “stress” happens like wind, rain, and other natural disasters. Just like houses, we can build our family on strong foundations that will keep us from falling apart when disasters hit. Some ways to build that foundation are:
When problems arise in a family, things can become chaotic. However, strong families have habits to fall back on. For example, if a family moves to a new town and no one really feels they fit there, but they still sit down to the table and eat together, things seem more natural and at home. Even though stress hits whole families, you must understand that each person might see or deal with things differently. There is a model that explains a family’s experience during a trial. It is called the ABCX model. Actual event (stressor) Both resources & response Cognitions (thoughts/interpretation); definition of problem Total eXperience of the family The most recent stress in my family, is the death of my grandpa. When I thought about how we dealt with his passing, I realized that we had the stressor even before he passed away. It started when he was diagnosed with ALS. Because we had the diagnosis far before, we all started to prepare for the time when grandpa might not be doing very well. After struggling through this disease, the day of his passing came. When I found out that he had passed, I was so relieved that his struggling was over. However, there were many who were deeply hurt that grandpa was gone. This trial might have torn my family apart, but we tried to keep things normal around us. We talked about what we were feeling and thinking. We tried to accept the differences in opinions. We went through the funeral process as a family. We tried to have family dinner together still. This kept us strong even in turmoil. I am so thankful for that, because if we would have all turned away from each other, it would have been a lot harder to deal with. In Chinese writing, the word crisis has the sign for danger, but it also has the sign for opportunity. So, when we go through trials, we have two options. We can just see the danger and let it break us apart, or we can seize the opportunity to learn and grow together. The meaning of coping is making minute adjustments so that things fit together seamlessly, even when under pressure. So, let’s take the opportunity to learn coping skills as a family now, so that when problems do arise, our family still fits together seamlessly. If you have any stories or experiences you could share about coping, times of crisis, or even how your family has created strong habits, please comment! I would love to hear your opinions/experiences! (Also, I encourage you to comment on any of my other posts!) 2/25/2017 0 Comments Taboo Subjects![]() Talking about sex and intimacy has become taboo in the LDS culture. But, has this helped or hindered us? Have we made sex seem shameful because we don’t teach our kids about it? Or have we made it desirable to a rebellious child? Or maybe by doing this we sheltered kids so much that they don’t even know what it is? Regardless of your taboo preferences, we’re going to talk about sex today and why we need to communicate about intimacy. There are a lot of myths that come with sexual relations. The first one is that sex is bad. Sex is not a bad thing, if it is done in the right circumstances. Between a man and a woman, who are lawfully married to each other. Along with this definition comes another myth, that sex is only to have children. Yes, that is the main purpose God created our bodies for. However, intimacy improves marriages, as well. This myth does come from LDS members a lot. In the LDS Church Handbook, it states: “Sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife.” Another myth is that good couples don’t have intimacy problems. FALSE. Sexual relations are not easy to figure out. This is why communication is key. You need to be comfortable enough with your spouse to talk about what you like or dislike and how you are feeling while being intimate. Sometimes you might need a therapist to help you, and there is nothing wrong with that. The third myth is that women do not have a sexual drive. WRONG. Women are just as aroused as men, they just don’t always know it. In fact, there are key differences between male and female arousals, which is why men are called “horn dogs” and women are called “prudes” or “killjoys.” You see, the sexual arousal process for men includes one step: Desire. Men have sexual arousals many times a day, and even without the desire, young men have erections an average of 6 times a day. Women on the other hand, have many steps. Starting with step 0: Relationship climate. Before a woman can even begin to be aroused, the “climate” has to be secure, and something she is comfortable with. If the climate is good, then comes the first step: Deciding. Women have to mentally flip a switch inside that says, “Yes, I want to be intimate with this man.” And if things are not ideal, the switch stays at “No, I don’t want this.” The next step in women’s arousal is to connect. Women’s minds are constantly going at a million miles an hour, in a million different ways. So, in order to get her mind cleared, she needs to talk for a while and get some closure in her mind. Once her mind is focused, foreplay needs to happen. This includes physical touch before sex. This then creates the desire to be intimate. Another difference for men and women is sex and security. For women, they need security before they can comfortably have sex with someone. Men however, want sex in order to feel secure in a relationship. So, what does all of this information teach us? To me, this means that God created men and women differently for a reason. And this reason, is for us to step outside of ourselves and be intimate with another and meet each other’s needs. Just as we need to learn how to be intimate with our spouse, we need to avoid being intimate with others. How do we fall in love with our spouse? We share our hopes and dreams, thoughts and feelings, personal experiences, fears, and other details of our loves. We trust each other, spend time together, care about each other. This being said, we need to avoid sharing intimate details of our lives with those of the opposite sex once we are married. Here are some words of caution: DON’T THINK YOU ARE SAFE FROM INFIDELITY! A lot of married couples have to work closely with coworkers of the opposite gender. If proper rules and boundaries are not set early on, lines get crossed. Some rules that couples come up with include the following:
Evaluate your relationship with coworkers on a regular basis. Do not let yourself have imaginative thoughts about coworkers. Listen to your spouse’s concerns with others. Think to yourself “How much would I want my spouse doing what I’m doing?” When you get married you need to sit down and seriously evaluate your friends of the opposite gender. If you have a best friend of the opposite gender, as hard as it may be, you need to minimize that friendship. Your spouse should be the person you go to with problems, concerns, doubts, fears, good things, hopes, etc. not your opposite gender best friend. “Marry your best friend.” This phrase is commonly mistaken. It does not mean that somehow you will fall in love with your current best friend after years of them being in the friendzone (although Hollywood wants you to believe this). It does mean to make the person you love your best friend. Confide in them, listen to them, and build a solid friendship with them and your marriage and intimacy will become much easier and work well. Another way to avoid infidelity is to get rid of contact with friends of the opposite gender on social media sites, and maybe even phone numbers. In surveys, hundreds of thousands of people admitted that Facebook helped end their marriage. Most of these people got in contact with their old high school sweethearts and left their spouses for the “love” they used to have. Another cause of infidelity is comparing past relationships to your marriage. DON’T. If you want to have a solid marriage, communicate with each other. Try to understand your partner intimately. Guard your marriage and create healthy, strong, well-known boundaries. And lastly, DON’T THINK YOU ARE SAFE FROM INFIDELITY! 2/18/2017 0 Comments Plan for a marriage. not a wedding![]() Most common years to divorce is two to five years after being married. Why is this? Why is it that people call the first marriage the test marriage? The rate of separated families is rising. There are many different reasons why all of this is happening. The first reason being people aren’t communicating as much anymore. There’s a strong correlation between high social media consumption and depression/relationship problems. The nights of talking about and learning about your partner have become snap chat streaks and one sentence texts. It’s all about staging the perfect time together, rather than actually spending time together. We need to be able to carry conversations not just about each other but of other subjects, such as fears, likes, political views, and so much more, throughout the relationship. Also, it’s not just spoken language but also body language. People need to put their phones away, keep eye contact, show them the appropriate love depending on where you are in the relationship. Having healthy communication with your partner will help develop a more meaningful love because you will truly understand who they are and not just how they text or take a selfie. That healthy communication will also help lead to a relationship that will help create patterns or goals that can last through the dating, engagement, and eventually the marriage, if done correctly. Yes, people can change, but you must keep in mind that most habits don’t change. So, pay attention to each other’s habits. Develop good habits together, like couple scripture study, and meaningful talks. Here at BYU-I, a lot of couples take turns going to church together, even while just dating. However, you should avoid going to church together while dating. This will only become another way for you to hang out, make it hard to complete your callings, and can even distract you from an answer you’ve been searching for. Most people plan for a wedding, not a marriage. STOP! A wedding lasts a day, a marriage hopefully lasts a lifetime and all of eternity! If it’s not apparent which one is more important here, you need to look into your priorities. Life after the wedding is not magically perfect or that the love will be sufficient to solve all the problems and afflictions. So, you need to prepare and work through problems before you getting married. Planning your wedding together is an ideal time to learn compromise and working together! People nowadays believe that marriage is easy and simple and that if it doesn’t work out just get a divorce and try again with someone else. They don’t think about their future together, where they’re going to live together, where they will work, what roles each of them will play to help love and support another, and so many other problems that can arise in a marriage. They fail to talk about loans, about schooling, different cultures, traditions, and ways of living. A true and successful marriage is two different people being able to come together in love and trust to become one, but that can only happen if you work together. To achieve that successful marriage each and every couple need to go through the right steps. First it must be clear that you are dating and that it’s an open relationship. This should lead to the courtship after the couple has been dating for a while. Now the courtship should be a time for both to truly understand and get to know the person that they are dating. You should know how they are under stress, the relationship they have with friends and family, and every part of their personality. The courtship should be a time for the couple to talk and plan for the future, NOT JUST THE WEDDING. That way both can understand clearly what their goals are and how they are going to help each other. Next is the engagement. So, in your opinion, does the proposal matter? Does it have to be big and expensive, or can it just be kind of forgotten? THE PROPOSAL MATTERS. However, it doesn’t matter how big it is. What matters is the effort. Commitment only happens successfully when there is effort. So, This should be a time that they will remember and cherish. When both have agreed that they will be together forever, through thick and thin, help support and love each other, and always willing to work hard on the goals they have set. After the engagement comes the marriage. Notice that it’s the marriage that comes next and not the wedding. A big and perfect wedding does not make a successful marriage it’s the three steps above. The average American wedding, not high class, costs $27,000. WHY?! Why spend this much for one day? A lot of people put off marriage because they “can’t afford it.” WRONG. You can’t afford a wedding. Not a marriage. Once you are married, it’s not the end. As you start to raise a family, trends have shown that with each child, marital satisfaction tends to decrease. Why is this? Aren’t kids a joy? Some reasons for this are that a mother’s workload increases by 64% and a father’s by 37% after a child is born. Because of the increase in workload, stress increases as well. This stress, if not dealt with well, can cause a wedge between the parents. It’s important when having children that you spend quality time together, and try to communicate better to overcome your problems. Because I am single, sometimes marriage scares me. Especially when learning about all of this. But, I am glad that I can take this information and plan for my future marriage. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married, I hope this helps you too! 2/11/2017 0 Comments Love and dating2/4/2017 0 Comments Why gay?![]() This week, we started out class by making a detailed list of feminine attributes, and male attributes. The female list included: expressive, cooperative, detail oriented, relational, better with language, emotionally expressive, etc. The men, however, were quite the opposite. Their list included: aggressive, competitive, space (big picture) oriented, mathematical, logical, etc. As we listed these traits, I found myself thinking, “Wow, I have a lot more masculine qualities…” but my thoughts were interrupted by my professor. He said, “How many of you have qualities that do not fit with your gender?” He then pointed out that the fact that we don’t have cut and dry qualities that fit one gender or the other, doesn’t mean we aren’t the gender we are. There is a large spectrum of qualities, so we can fall anywhere in the range. The problem with these attributes being stereotypical, is that labels form. So, if a girl fits more into the masculine traits, what do we call her? A TOM boy. On the other hand, if a boy fits more into the feminine traits, what do we call him? Femi, gay? Why is it so acceptable for a girl to have masculine traits, but if a boy has feminine traits he is automatically gay? Research shows that most men say they “knew they were gay” at ages 5, 8, or 12. How does a 5-year-old “know he’s gay”? I can almost guarantee you he didn’t go up and kiss another boy at school and have an epiphany. He thought he was gay because of the labels that were being thrown at him by his peers, and maybe even his family. Research has found a series that we humans use to form our preferences when it comes to who we are close to romantically and in a friendship way. It looks something like this: Biological variables Childhood temperaments Sex typical/atypical activities and playmate preferences Feeling different from opposite/same sex peers Non-specific autonomic arousal to opposite/same sex peers Erotic/romantic attachment to opposite/same sex persons In more detail, we start out with our biological variables that make us who we are. As we develop, we create temperaments depending on what we are surrounded by. When we get into preschool and/or kindergarten, we start to make friends. Who we become friends with depends on what are interests are. So, if a boy likes to pretend, he’s more likely to play with the girls, and if a girl likes soccer, she’s more likely to play with the boys. At the beginning of the year it seems acceptable for everyone to be intermixed. However, by the end of the year boys and girls have decided that girls do one thing and boys do another, so labels are created of tom boys and “gays”. Because of these labels, the children begin to feel like they just don’t fit in with their same sex. Or, if a child is normal, they start to feel the differences between them and the opposite sex. This is better known as the “cooties” stage. Once we get past the “boys/girls are gross” stage, we start trying to talk to the opposite sex. Keep in mind, the labeled boys or girls that hang out with the opposite sex are intimidated by those of the same sex. At this time, we have usually started puberty or are getting close to it. Our bodies start going through changes, one of the things that our bodies experience is non-specific autonomic arousal. This is what we experienced as “liking” someone. Your heart beats fast, your palms get sweaty, and you feel sort of intimidated. This reaction is developed all on its own. It doesn’t mean you actually like someone, just that we are nervous. However, this gets mistaken as being attracted to someone. In class, we talked about how this can happen with anyone. You try to talk to your teacher, your heart beats fast, your palms get sweaty. This doesn’t mean you like your teacher, they just make you nervous. After this, we start to develop erotic/romantic attractions to people. Now, I am not trying to say that those who are attracted to same sex do not have those feelings of affection, but research has shown that these feelings might be mistaken, or misguided due to the environment. For example, a boy who is raised with a number of older brothers is more likely to experience gay tendencies, not because men are readily available to them, but because his brothers are more likely to tease him if he’s different, or calling him names. Also, most boys who decide that they are gay at a young age experience the non-specific autonomic arousal among boys, or men, and then are sexualized by an older man. Now, I am not saying his happens to all those who consider themselves gay, but it is a very well seen trend. So, what does this have to do with family relations, you ask? Well, to me, it’s more of human relations. We need to make it okay for men to be detailed oriented, and enjoy decorating and creating things without being labeled. Women also need to allow men to be men. Feminism is so prevalent today, but women need to realize that we are different from men and that’s what makes us special. We were sent here to find someone of the opposite sex to love, marry, and procreate with. We were created by an all-knowing God. You are the gender you are for a reason. 1/28/2017 0 Comments What's important?If you are aren't a parent, picture your future family. What do you want for your children? If you have children, what is one thing you worry/worried about while raising your children? Is money or income the most important thing? So many people think that having a successful family is all about how much money you make and bring into the home. False. Having money won't bring your family closer together. It won't make you happier by any means. And giving your children everything they want isn't going to help them be successful. The number one predictor of success is having a father in the home. With that understanding, we should not focus on the money, but the culture of our homes.
What is culture, exactly? Culture is the attitudes and beliefs that are shown by social groups. So, what is your family culture? Are there certain rules you follow? Attitudes that everyone carries? Shared beliefs? What you teach your children can make or break them. Learning this, my point of view has changed so much. Our professor asked us to discuss with someone which social class we would like to be and why. I said upper middle class so that I had money, but I wasn't a millionaire by any means. However, I also wanted to be able to teach my children to work hard and not get things handed to them. I felt a little guilty when my professor pointed out that being higher up in social classes tends to spread families apart. Poor families need to rely on each other more, and fill the roles they are given. Higher class families give their children more resources, rather than more love. Money does not replace love and quality time with parents. Many parents claim that they want the best for their children, so they spend all of their time at work, supporting the family. However, most parents find that they regret losing the time they spent at work rather than with their family. So, tell me, when you're on your death bed, what's going to matter to you? The money you made working, or your family? The media today makes family seem unimportant, because it "never works out anyway." This is so false. FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE. If you don't agree, look at your priorities and get them straightened out. Spend time with your family. Show your love for them. Teach them. One day, you will realize that they are the reason we are here on this earth. |
ArchivesCategoriesCheck out my classmates' blogs!
Andrea Ashley Muse http://alittlebitaboutfamily.blogspot.com Hannah Westerlind http://hraefamilyrelations.blogspot.com Lauryn Larkin http://laurynannettemcclain.blogspot.com Kelli-Marie McNair http://mcnairfamilyties.weebly.com Kenzie Calderwood http://kenziekate3.wixsite.com/mysite Kaylee Crossley http://kayleerene.blogspot.com Madison Reed http://www.myyoungwildandmarriedlife.com Shelbie Merrill http://shelbiefamilyrelations.blogspot.com Abbigayle Shaffer http://fightingforfamily18.blogspot.com Joshua Lapeyrouse http://everything-and-anything-plus-more.blogspot.com Amy Jacques https://theneedtoknowthings-family.blogspot.com Emily Nichols http://emilymarriageandfamily.weebly.com Bonnie Ferguson http://bonniefamilyrelations.weebly.com Caia Wheeler https://idahomemaker.wordpress.com/ Amberlea Kay http://amberleakay.blogspot.com Leticia Calderon-Rios http://lotsoflittlethings17.blogspot.com Morgan Ogden http://morgansfamilycoursereflections.blogspot.com Karly Buchanan http://familyrelationsbykarlyb.blogspot.com Kelsey Trent https://lipglossplusflipflops.wordpress.com Melanie Chantry http://myfamilyrelationsjournal.blogspot.com Alyssa Wiley http://the-ramblings-of-a-young-mind.blogspot.com Megan Garner http://www.garnstar.blogspot.com Alayna Hudson http://thoughtsaboutfamily.blogspot.com Kayla Guy http://kaylaguy4.weebly.com/blog Ryan Landes http://ryanfamilyrelations.blogspot.com Mariah Honda http://eternalroads.weebly.com Amy Jacques http://theneedtoknowthings-family.blogspot.com Sarah Knight http://skfamilyrelations.weebly.com Christopher Holden http://relationsfamily.blogspot.com Hannah Boots http://familyrelationsb.weebly.com Bailee Freeman http://relationsfamily.weebly.com Rachael Sparacino https://rachaeladela.wordpress.com/ |