2/18/2017 0 Comments Plan for a marriage. not a wedding![]() Most common years to divorce is two to five years after being married. Why is this? Why is it that people call the first marriage the test marriage? The rate of separated families is rising. There are many different reasons why all of this is happening. The first reason being people aren’t communicating as much anymore. There’s a strong correlation between high social media consumption and depression/relationship problems. The nights of talking about and learning about your partner have become snap chat streaks and one sentence texts. It’s all about staging the perfect time together, rather than actually spending time together. We need to be able to carry conversations not just about each other but of other subjects, such as fears, likes, political views, and so much more, throughout the relationship. Also, it’s not just spoken language but also body language. People need to put their phones away, keep eye contact, show them the appropriate love depending on where you are in the relationship. Having healthy communication with your partner will help develop a more meaningful love because you will truly understand who they are and not just how they text or take a selfie. That healthy communication will also help lead to a relationship that will help create patterns or goals that can last through the dating, engagement, and eventually the marriage, if done correctly. Yes, people can change, but you must keep in mind that most habits don’t change. So, pay attention to each other’s habits. Develop good habits together, like couple scripture study, and meaningful talks. Here at BYU-I, a lot of couples take turns going to church together, even while just dating. However, you should avoid going to church together while dating. This will only become another way for you to hang out, make it hard to complete your callings, and can even distract you from an answer you’ve been searching for. Most people plan for a wedding, not a marriage. STOP! A wedding lasts a day, a marriage hopefully lasts a lifetime and all of eternity! If it’s not apparent which one is more important here, you need to look into your priorities. Life after the wedding is not magically perfect or that the love will be sufficient to solve all the problems and afflictions. So, you need to prepare and work through problems before you getting married. Planning your wedding together is an ideal time to learn compromise and working together! People nowadays believe that marriage is easy and simple and that if it doesn’t work out just get a divorce and try again with someone else. They don’t think about their future together, where they’re going to live together, where they will work, what roles each of them will play to help love and support another, and so many other problems that can arise in a marriage. They fail to talk about loans, about schooling, different cultures, traditions, and ways of living. A true and successful marriage is two different people being able to come together in love and trust to become one, but that can only happen if you work together. To achieve that successful marriage each and every couple need to go through the right steps. First it must be clear that you are dating and that it’s an open relationship. This should lead to the courtship after the couple has been dating for a while. Now the courtship should be a time for both to truly understand and get to know the person that they are dating. You should know how they are under stress, the relationship they have with friends and family, and every part of their personality. The courtship should be a time for the couple to talk and plan for the future, NOT JUST THE WEDDING. That way both can understand clearly what their goals are and how they are going to help each other. Next is the engagement. So, in your opinion, does the proposal matter? Does it have to be big and expensive, or can it just be kind of forgotten? THE PROPOSAL MATTERS. However, it doesn’t matter how big it is. What matters is the effort. Commitment only happens successfully when there is effort. So, This should be a time that they will remember and cherish. When both have agreed that they will be together forever, through thick and thin, help support and love each other, and always willing to work hard on the goals they have set. After the engagement comes the marriage. Notice that it’s the marriage that comes next and not the wedding. A big and perfect wedding does not make a successful marriage it’s the three steps above. The average American wedding, not high class, costs $27,000. WHY?! Why spend this much for one day? A lot of people put off marriage because they “can’t afford it.” WRONG. You can’t afford a wedding. Not a marriage. Once you are married, it’s not the end. As you start to raise a family, trends have shown that with each child, marital satisfaction tends to decrease. Why is this? Aren’t kids a joy? Some reasons for this are that a mother’s workload increases by 64% and a father’s by 37% after a child is born. Because of the increase in workload, stress increases as well. This stress, if not dealt with well, can cause a wedge between the parents. It’s important when having children that you spend quality time together, and try to communicate better to overcome your problems. Because I am single, sometimes marriage scares me. Especially when learning about all of this. But, I am glad that I can take this information and plan for my future marriage. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married, I hope this helps you too!
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