2/4/2017 0 Comments Why gay?![]() This week, we started out class by making a detailed list of feminine attributes, and male attributes. The female list included: expressive, cooperative, detail oriented, relational, better with language, emotionally expressive, etc. The men, however, were quite the opposite. Their list included: aggressive, competitive, space (big picture) oriented, mathematical, logical, etc. As we listed these traits, I found myself thinking, “Wow, I have a lot more masculine qualities…” but my thoughts were interrupted by my professor. He said, “How many of you have qualities that do not fit with your gender?” He then pointed out that the fact that we don’t have cut and dry qualities that fit one gender or the other, doesn’t mean we aren’t the gender we are. There is a large spectrum of qualities, so we can fall anywhere in the range. The problem with these attributes being stereotypical, is that labels form. So, if a girl fits more into the masculine traits, what do we call her? A TOM boy. On the other hand, if a boy fits more into the feminine traits, what do we call him? Femi, gay? Why is it so acceptable for a girl to have masculine traits, but if a boy has feminine traits he is automatically gay? Research shows that most men say they “knew they were gay” at ages 5, 8, or 12. How does a 5-year-old “know he’s gay”? I can almost guarantee you he didn’t go up and kiss another boy at school and have an epiphany. He thought he was gay because of the labels that were being thrown at him by his peers, and maybe even his family. Research has found a series that we humans use to form our preferences when it comes to who we are close to romantically and in a friendship way. It looks something like this: Biological variables Childhood temperaments Sex typical/atypical activities and playmate preferences Feeling different from opposite/same sex peers Non-specific autonomic arousal to opposite/same sex peers Erotic/romantic attachment to opposite/same sex persons In more detail, we start out with our biological variables that make us who we are. As we develop, we create temperaments depending on what we are surrounded by. When we get into preschool and/or kindergarten, we start to make friends. Who we become friends with depends on what are interests are. So, if a boy likes to pretend, he’s more likely to play with the girls, and if a girl likes soccer, she’s more likely to play with the boys. At the beginning of the year it seems acceptable for everyone to be intermixed. However, by the end of the year boys and girls have decided that girls do one thing and boys do another, so labels are created of tom boys and “gays”. Because of these labels, the children begin to feel like they just don’t fit in with their same sex. Or, if a child is normal, they start to feel the differences between them and the opposite sex. This is better known as the “cooties” stage. Once we get past the “boys/girls are gross” stage, we start trying to talk to the opposite sex. Keep in mind, the labeled boys or girls that hang out with the opposite sex are intimidated by those of the same sex. At this time, we have usually started puberty or are getting close to it. Our bodies start going through changes, one of the things that our bodies experience is non-specific autonomic arousal. This is what we experienced as “liking” someone. Your heart beats fast, your palms get sweaty, and you feel sort of intimidated. This reaction is developed all on its own. It doesn’t mean you actually like someone, just that we are nervous. However, this gets mistaken as being attracted to someone. In class, we talked about how this can happen with anyone. You try to talk to your teacher, your heart beats fast, your palms get sweaty. This doesn’t mean you like your teacher, they just make you nervous. After this, we start to develop erotic/romantic attractions to people. Now, I am not trying to say that those who are attracted to same sex do not have those feelings of affection, but research has shown that these feelings might be mistaken, or misguided due to the environment. For example, a boy who is raised with a number of older brothers is more likely to experience gay tendencies, not because men are readily available to them, but because his brothers are more likely to tease him if he’s different, or calling him names. Also, most boys who decide that they are gay at a young age experience the non-specific autonomic arousal among boys, or men, and then are sexualized by an older man. Now, I am not saying his happens to all those who consider themselves gay, but it is a very well seen trend. So, what does this have to do with family relations, you ask? Well, to me, it’s more of human relations. We need to make it okay for men to be detailed oriented, and enjoy decorating and creating things without being labeled. Women also need to allow men to be men. Feminism is so prevalent today, but women need to realize that we are different from men and that’s what makes us special. We were sent here to find someone of the opposite sex to love, marry, and procreate with. We were created by an all-knowing God. You are the gender you are for a reason.
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