3/11/2017 0 Comments Communication Problems![]() We as human beings consider ourselves different from other species because of the way we communicate. With the recent growth in technology, communication has become easier, yet very unclear. Part of this is because communication isn't just about words. Most of us use sarcasm, but how does someone know you're not being serious through only words? You see, 51% of communication is based off nonverbal cues, and 35% comes from the tone of voice. That means that only 14% comes from words themselves. So, why is communication lacking then? It's because we only talk to each other through text, only using words, and every once in a while an emoji. We don't ask someone something because we sincerely want to know, we only ask so that we can respond with our two cents. In class, we drew out the feedback loop. It looks like this: Even when we are trying to effectively communicate, it can sometimes get lost in translation. You see, what you mean as a sender, might not mean the same thing to the receiver. What we say can be decoded in many different ways. So, in order to build strong, healthy relationships, we need to learn the best ways to communicate with our families. Some family members might understand and respond better through different approaches. Along with this, we must keep in mind that it's okay to ask clarifying questions. It's okay to say, "Did you mean this when you said this?" or "Am I understanding you correctly?" Communication is key in relationships. My professor is also a marriage and family counselor. He told us in class, that when couples come into therapy with him, and he asks what's wrong in the relationship, one of the most common answers is "We have communication problems." As ironic as it sounds, you can never not communicate. You are sending a message in everything you do, whether it be verbal, or even more importantly, nonverbal. Body language communicates a lot, so we must be careful what we do while someone is talking with us. A big part of communication in families, is family councils. It is important that as a family, you are all aware of the problems and concerns of each member, and the family as a whole. Each family seems to have their own way of communicating and making a decision, but I am going to share one of the most successful ways to have a meeting as a council. First, when you all gather together, you need to express love and appreciation for each other. This might seem strange, but building each other up can truly help you come together to plan things. There are families who struggle with each other, and if each member would take some time to find something they like or enjoy about another person, it humbles everyone and makes you feel like a team. I participated in a lot of sports in high school. Participating on a team full of teenage girls was not always easy. However, when we all took the time to congratulate each other's successes, and found things we liked about each other, it made the team feel more like a family. The next thing is to pray together for the spirit and God's will. To those of you who are not religious, this might seem strange. But, whether you believe in God or not, there is something special in bowing your heads together and asking aloud that you might all be in tune with a spirit that will bring you to a clear decision. After you have said a heartfelt prayer, it is time to discuss. A lot of families know the term "compromise" and assume that is what we are reaching. Compromise means: an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions, in other words, each side giving in a little bit to reach an agreement. Yes, it's important that you know how to compromise, but as a family you should be trying to reach a consensus. A consensus is a general agreement. I know what you're thinking. These are basically the same thing, right? Wrong. A consensus does not require both sides to give in in order to agree. Instead, it means that the decision that was suggested was agreed upon by all. After reaching a consensus, you should close with a prayer. This prayer should be one of thanks, and also to ask for reassurance that the decision you have made is the correct one. To finish the council, end with refreshments. It will give you time to relax and once again enjoy the company of those around you, while rewarding yourself for the progress you made as a council. In order to keep this council strong, you should meet somewhere that is safe and holy to you, and have a regular weekly time set apart for this very purpose. If you council as a family, you will strengthen each other, and learn how to effectively communicate with each other. Something that was said in class that really stood out to me was this: "You get to develop a family culture." This seems fairly obvious, but think about what that means. That means that you can make your family strong, if you choose. You can teach your children whatever it is you would like, and that will become your family culture. You can create a culture of family council and solid communication, but you must decide to.
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